Grow baby grow…

In a moment of silence, I can remember the first moment I fell in love… head over heels in love and entirely enthralled by her. She was almost invisible, but the moment I knew she existed… THAT… was the moment my heart felt alive.

Leilani.

“Leilani”. It means “heavenly child”. I perused websites, this silly baby name book I still have in my TV console, and every other place I could find a name and a meaning for her perfect name. I had to name “her”. I had to give this being, this existence a name. That which grew inside of me before her heart beat had to have a name. For which I could call her… for which made her feel more alive to me. But I would still call her “baby”. When I’d feel her kicking, “hi baby, what ya doin’ in there baby girl?” in my teenage turned sweet motherly voice. When she’d have incessant amounts of hiccups at all hours of the day and night, “Baby…. my poor baby can’t stop her hiccups. My I wish you were here”. When she’d roll over and kick me in the side, “Hi baby. Mommy loves you.” while I layed my hand on my growing belly to follow her every move. You see… a mother’s connection with her baby is magical. She is sensitive to every ounce of being that her baby is. She feels, she connects, she gets attached to her baby. After all, it is a mother that keeps her baby alive, God willing.

What a strange feeling to feel such adult like feelings at such a tender age of 17. But age doesn’t depict the great amount of love one can have for another. After all, a child is more apt to have a greater ability to love without the experience and strains of life. He or she experiences such love with newness and awe and wonder which is why we call it “teenage love”. So tender and sweet. So innocent and naive. But oh so strong. And we are determined, we are obsessed…

I think teenage fathers don’t get obsessed over their babies. I think their minds are still too young to process these innate feelings a woman has naturally. A disconnection may occur, a lackluster expression of emotion so to speak. But when the doctor placed Leilani in his arms, I never saw a man cry that way before except for when my dad broke down in tears to learn of his mother’s passing. But that day, Leilani’s dad’s heart grew that much fonder, grew that much to have the ability to love like never before. There was this little girl named “Leilani” after 6 weeks of being conceived, that had tiny fingers, soft skin, and beautiful big brown eyes that stared up at Daddy and she was now alive to him because for so long he’d barely feel her move in my belly and see photos and ultrasounds to know she existed. But that day he held her for the first time he melted.

There’s an “awww” moment here. I’m sure of it. And almost 12 years later, when my little big girl became a lady this last weekend, I wasn’t sure whether I should cry. Because from here on out, it’s crushes and friends, mall trips, first dates, driving lessons, winter formals, proms, cheer leading squad, straight A student, college applications, lots of teenager arguments, laughs, tears, and headaches in between. But in every moment, when she passes the corner, when she cries her first tears of heartache, when she smiles for her senior photos, I’ll say under my breath “Baby. Mommy loves you.”

To my little lady. My forever baby. You are my first greatest blessing. The joy of my heart.

Forever your one and only,

Mommy

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Grow baby grow…

Embrace Flexibility

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Embrace flexibility to create positive change.

We should not allow our thinking to get crystallized, rigid, or formed. Then we’ve lost the battle. To be set in your ways is to be part of history. We must keep all our options open and keep our thinking and our life flexible to make the most of our lives. We must be ready to embrace God-given interruptions in our lives. We must be ready to roll with the punches, to roll as the storm breaks because it always breaks when we least expect it. We must be open to ANY and ALL possibilities. If we’re not, we are or have become or will become rigid, hardened, and boring. We set ourselves upon a rock where the wind and storm will break us, but God is our refuge in the storm and He places our feet on solid ground. We should accept our behavioral history, identify places where we can compromise, practice flexible actions, do some mental stretching, reward our choice to retreat, and learn that failure IS functional. Flexibility in life does not mean perfection. It means being capable of being bent repeatedly without injury or damage. Amongst all this, first and foremost is the belief in God’s perfect plan and will for our lives. We must give up the life we imagined for the life that is waiting for us, the life that He orchestrated perfectly for us. “Ultimately spiritual awareness unfolds when you’re flexible, when you’re spontaneous, when you’re detached, when you’re easy on yourself and easy on others.” (Deepak Chopra said that) We are not the sole possessors of truth. We manage at times to agree willingly to become prisoners within our own minds and souls of beliefs, of expectations, of false perfections, of ideas on which we can never be flexible. God did not create us to stand in the storm to be blown away. He created us to stand in the storm and even when the wind blows hard against us trying to knock us down, He gives us the strength to adjust our sails. Let Him steer your ship today. Your road bumps, detours, and setbacks are just an adventure. Which life do you choose to live today? The one YOU planned for yourself that will ALWAYS leave you empty handed and empty hearted or the ONE that He created for you to fulfill your every need, to answer your every prayer, and to make you happy? I don’t see that being a hard choice.

Be blessed today,

XO Dagmara

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Welcome to my Blog

Welcome to my Blog

 

Welcome to my blog. Where I share the breathings of my heart. My life stories, my experiences, my motivations, my inspirations, my downfalls, my successes, and everything in between. I am the mother of three beautiful girls who continuously show me what true love is. From the kindness of a smile from my oldest, to therapeutic and wise words from my middle child Kaitlin, to the sweetest hugs and kisses out of the blue from my littlest one Lily… without them, life would be incomplete. I am constantly on a journey to better myself; for others, mainly. Because… after all… life’s not about what’s in it for us, but what’s in us FOR OTHERS. God has shown me such amazing love through Him and I am forever in His graces and in His hands. If I can be of courage and good cheer to another soul…if I can offer kindness to a stranger… if I can comfort another… I do it through His love. Without Him, I am not whole. One more person saved in Jesus’ name is one reason I’m alive. My life’s passion is to comfort and counsel. My journey continues as I work towards my Doctorate at one of the most accredited and amazing schools for the MFT program in the world. Stay tuned throughout my journey as I live with purpose and passion for the Lord. ❤

Welcome to my Blog

Friendship Defined

Emotions are fickle. People are fickle. They are there one moment and the next they are gone. People say things they don’t mean. They lie to themselves. They are stuck in their own bubble. When you find true friends, keep them close. They are like family. They will make time for you at a moment’s notice. They will call you to check up on you. No matter how many times you get down even if it’s about the same thing, they’ll gently guide you and make you feel better always making time for a friend. They consider your feelings and emotions. They match deed to word. As much as we all have flaws as human beings, friends don’t just point out your flaws; they point out their own flaws, even sometimes doing so first. Friends remain focused in their life’s tasks, but all the while they still make time to lend an ear, a hand, but mostly their soul. Friends are not selfish. They are quick to apologize. They are gentle and slow to anger. They motivate you. They inspire you. They want the best for you and truly enjoy your presence. They make you feel appreciated always! They make it known that your time spent is appreciated and that your friendship is valued. They meet you half way. They give and expect nothing in return. They are consistent, they are trustworthy, they match deed to word, and they are THERE. The important thing to remember is we as humans cannot change people. But we observe and we make choices based off of that. Pray for those that cannot recognize how their behavior affects others. The important ones who truly value you and appreciate will make it known; especially before it’s too late. Life is short. Make it count…. Especially with people that matter and that love you.

 

In His Hands,

Dee

Friendship Defined

TAKOTSUBO CARDIOMYOPATHY

Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy. Know how I know the meaning of that? Oh it’s so real. It kind of takes your breath away and leaves you short of breath all while at the same time stabbing your heart. And even in the passing moments when you watch the sunset while driving home on the freeway or hearing your friend try to cheer you up, it’s such a blur. Like in the movies, when everything passes you by, but the slow motion effects kick in. Your vision blurs, you go numb… and you just want to die. Social media is such a façade. It takes away from the realness of emotion. From the reality of life. From the reality of strife and even from the reality of bliss. People pretend to have happy marriages. They pretend that they are elated with their life as a new mom. They pretend that their boyfriend is the perfect gentleman. They pretend that they went to sleep without a single tear some days. They pretend that their husbands or wives aren’t cheating. They pretend that they have all the money in the world. They pretend they live a certain lifestyle when they don’t really do so behind the scenes. They pretend they have perfect jobs. They pretend their childhood didn’t affect them. They pretend. You pretend. I pretend. Let’s not fool ourselves. Let’s be real with ourselves. Who ARE YOU REALLY? Where did you come from? What made you who YOU are today? Dig deep. Remember those traumatizing moments, remember those snapshot moments in your life that you can never take away. Remember that moment when, for what a miracle to remember this, when your grandpa’s face lit up as he swung you alongside that old house in Slovakia when you were just 2 where the sun shone down on your face and life was just a breeze, silly, free and utterly utopian like and perfect. Remember that moment when you first heard the cry of your newborn and you cried your eyes out feeling her still connected umbilically as they laid her on your chest and her heaves melted with yours and your cries were intertwined and LIFE was just placed in your hands after it was beating inside of you for almost 10 months. Remember the moment when you sung that baby to sleep and she smiled. Amongst all those snapshots though were heart wrenching moments. Remember when your parents told you they wanted a divorce. Remember when you felt like the world was over and it hurt so much to cry. Those words like echoes in your ears. Remember when you watched them drive away from that empty home you called HOME. Remember when you thought you finally found happiness only to realize you weren’t good enough. Remember all the moments that brought you here right now. Where have you been? Who have you become? And it feels so good to fall asleep and grow numb. Those moments fade and your heart stops racing and the tears stop and you’re numb. And you fall asleep seeing him pushing you on that swing. And life is quiet as you sleep…… Just for a moment. And then you wake. And you try so hard to fall back asleep, but your heart is already racing and you look around at that emptiness. And it starts all over again. But each day you think about THAT some more like right now. Wouldn’t it be easier? Oh… yes it would. You try to muster up courage or you pray for something else to take you away. You need to be rescued. That… is… takotsubo cardiomyopathy.

TAKOTSUBO CARDIOMYOPATHY

Be Anxious in Nothing!

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Inspirational Friday

Happy Friday to everyone. Do you oftentimes find yourself being anxious about something? I find it funny that my oldest daughter is such a worrisome little girl. I wondered “well, where does she get that from?” Silly me!!! She gets it from who else?!? DUH! ME! Me… the woman who is always worried about situations, always worried about others, always worried in general. I’ve gotten better over time through my faith in God; I’ve come to realize, if we constantly spend time and energy worrying about what may never happen, we will miss the goodness of life. We’ll miss the sunlight, we’ll miss the laughter, and we’ll miss those amazing little moments where memories are created. In the times you worry in life, where you spend your energy anxious, you leave no room for faith. Leave your worries to Him, so that you can make room in your heart for His amazing blessings. Lean not on your own understanding, stop being selfish for what you want in life; God has a perfect plan for you, but you must realize it may not be what you had in mind, what you wished for, or what you expect for yourself. One day you’ll look back and realize as you were so stubborn to accept His plan for you, it was the best thing for you. Having said this… don’t spend time worrying about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matt 6:34, YOU can do all things through HIM who gives you strength.(Phil 4:13); Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength…(Isaiah 40:31); For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of LOVE, POWER, and of a SOUND mind. (2 Timothy 1:7). Have faith, and Fear not, for He is with you, He is your God, He will strengthen you. He will help you. He will uphold you with His righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10). I can quote scripture upon scripture upon scripture, but His word is truth. He is our refuge; he is our strength, and ever-present help in trouble. When you are afraid, put your trust in Him. Be strong, be courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified of anything that may or may not come to you. Because He is with you every step of the way. He will never leave you and he will never forsake you. Do not be anxious, but in everything and every situation, come to Him with thanksgiving and praise, present your requests to Him through prayer. Prayer is such a powerful thing. (James 5:13-18) You don’t have to pay for it. It’s here, it’s everywhere and it’s free. You don’t have to be on your knees every time you pray. That notion is silly. But remember, when you do pray, Pour out your heart, Realize God will answer, Always believe, and last but never least, Yield to what God says. Remember, He cares for you and His way is perfect. His word is flawless. (2 Samuel 22:31) In His Hands, Dee

Be Anxious in Nothing!

Where does your passion lie?

FIND IT! BE IT! DO IT!

 

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I don’t think I’ve ever shared my passion with a lot of people. Amongst so many things including the love of people and the love of life, I have a deep passion to counsel others. There was once a time in my life where I was being pressed to follow a career path that I was not happy with. As I spent a couple years in school preparing myself for this career, God kept speaking to me. It was during my Communications class, as I aced every single test, and every single report and task was not even work for me, that I realized I was meant to spend my entire life helping others. During my oral final, my teacher was astounded by what came from my mouth. She said, if you don’t know what it is that you need to do, you’ve just found it. If I could spend the rest of my life counseling people, being a life coach, relationship counselor, etc., I would work for free and be the happiest person on this Earth. Where do you see yourself down the line? Where is it that your passion lies? I see myself gracing stages speaking inspiration and life to people. I see myself having one on one therapy sessions with people. I see myself speaking to masses of people coaching them on life. I see myself being used by God in every which way possible to further his work. I see myself sharing this vibrant life with others so that they see the abundant blessings God has for them. Wake up, people. Find what it is you LOVE to do and GO DO IT!

Once you find your passion, you will NEVER work another day in your life.

In His Hands,

Dee

Where does your passion lie?