Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy. Know how I know the meaning of that? Oh it’s so real. It kind of takes your breath away and leaves you short of breath all while at the same time stabbing your heart. And even in the passing moments when you watch the sunset while driving home on the freeway or hearing your friend try to cheer you up, it’s such a blur. Like in the movies, when everything passes you by, but the slow motion effects kick in. Your vision blurs, you go numb… and you just want to die. Social media is such a façade. It takes away from the realness of emotion. From the reality of life. From the reality of strife and even from the reality of bliss. People pretend to have happy marriages. They pretend that they are elated with their life as a new mom. They pretend that their boyfriend is the perfect gentleman. They pretend that they went to sleep without a single tear some days. They pretend that their husbands or wives aren’t cheating. They pretend that they have all the money in the world. They pretend they live a certain lifestyle when they don’t really do so behind the scenes. They pretend they have perfect jobs. They pretend their childhood didn’t affect them. They pretend. You pretend. I pretend. Let’s not fool ourselves. Let’s be real with ourselves. Who ARE YOU REALLY? Where did you come from? What made you who YOU are today? Dig deep. Remember those traumatizing moments, remember those snapshot moments in your life that you can never take away. Remember that moment when, for what a miracle to remember this, when your grandpa’s face lit up as he swung you alongside that old house in Slovakia when you were just 2 where the sun shone down on your face and life was just a breeze, silly, free and utterly utopian like and perfect. Remember that moment when you first heard the cry of your newborn and you cried your eyes out feeling her still connected umbilically as they laid her on your chest and her heaves melted with yours and your cries were intertwined and LIFE was just placed in your hands after it was beating inside of you for almost 10 months. Remember the moment when you sung that baby to sleep and she smiled. Amongst all those snapshots though were heart wrenching moments. Remember when your parents told you they wanted a divorce. Remember when you felt like the world was over and it hurt so much to cry. Those words like echoes in your ears. Remember when you watched them drive away from that empty home you called HOME. Remember when you thought you finally found happiness only to realize you weren’t good enough. Remember all the moments that brought you here right now. Where have you been? Who have you become? And it feels so good to fall asleep and grow numb. Those moments fade and your heart stops racing and the tears stop and you’re numb. And you fall asleep seeing him pushing you on that swing. And life is quiet as you sleep…… Just for a moment. And then you wake. And you try so hard to fall back asleep, but your heart is already racing and you look around at that emptiness. And it starts all over again. But each day you think about THAT some more like right now. Wouldn’t it be easier? Oh… yes it would. You try to muster up courage or you pray for something else to take you away. You need to be rescued. That… is… takotsubo cardiomyopathy.


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